My disguise

The common man is also a barber - did you know that? So the other day I decided that my hair was entirely too long. I think in part because Major McIlhaney ("Mack") said "the 70's called and they wanted their hairdo back..." By the way, Mack was a Navy Pilot, but got out and recently joined the Nat'l Guard, so he's relatively okay. He doesn't QUITE fit into the common man category, and since he arrived here as a Captain and just recently put on O-4 he hasn't turned into a total pain in the ass just yet. His operation is not scheduled for a few more weeks. Operation you ask?? Yeah, they have to go in and remove most of his brain and pull his entire spine out. I hear it's quite painful. That's why they all have funny haircuts - didn't you know that? The hair won't grow below the scar...
By the way, taking pictures of your head is a lot harder than it looks...



The scar is where they had to unscrew the top of the head in order to remove the brain and spinal column. Then they take out the "automatic response" portion of the brain, pre-program it with "yes, sir! that's a great idea!" the "yes, sir! that great idea was mine!" (even though it wasn't), and of course, the "No sir, my subordinate must have screwed that up..." responses. They take that one or two ounces of pre-programmed brain matter, toss it back in, screw the lid back on and their ya have it. The common soldier.



Some people say this is my "best side," but I'm not quite sure what they mean by that...? Maybe it's cuz I actually have a decent shaped brain-bucket w/o a lot of scars all over it. Probably, tho - it's cuz they'd much rather see me going than coming... ya think?





The Marines have a similar procedure, but they only keep about 1/3 of an ounce and it is only pre-programmed with "YES, SIR!!" and "NO, SIR!!" - I never figured out what the requirement for the maximum volume of these responses, maybe the hearing gets removed in the other 2/3 oz that the Army allows...?




This is Ryan, he's the Chair Force guy I work with (I can say that, cuz he really is "Chair Force.") His job is to sit around in the bottom of a silo reading porn and studying for his masters. This is what the Air Farce pays their people to do... Tragic, I tell ya...





This is his lobotomy scar. The one I mentioned in my last BLOG, so I thought I would show everyone what one looks like...


So, this common barber that I went to was not quite sure how to cut the hair of someone who's hair actually grows below the scar (ridgeline of the scalp) since he'd never had to do so before. So when I said "please cut it STRAIGHT up the sides, taper it in at the top and just take about a 1/4 inch off the top" what he heard was the standard, "shave my head, numbnutz!! Just take them clippers there, make a ring around my head - where that scar is, there - and shave it! Shave it all!" so he said, "Yes, Sir! That's a great idea!" And this is what happened...



But here's the positive side: See, over here I have to constantly find "the positive side" to things... Like working 16 hour days seven days a week - what's the positive side you ask? Well, the time sure goes by quicker... And I never have to think to myself, "Gee Self, what should you do with this 15 minutes of free time you have?" Cuz I just don't have to make those really TOUGH decisions anymore... So, back to the positive side of the "common haircut" - I have realized what a phenominal disguise this is. I can actually walk among them - the common men that live and work within this camp - undisturbed and unnoticed. I've been amazed at the conversations that I've heard, now that I can roam freely with them.


"Uh, yes sir! That's a great idea..." and "hey, that idea was mine, sir" it's simply amazing what you can learn when they are actually acting on their own, in their true environment. There is also a lot of grunting, ball scratching and nose picking. This must be how Jane Goodall felt. Simply amazing. See, there really is a positive side to everything.



And now that I have the "common haircut" I don't think my bosses really expect much from me, and are not surprised or disappointed, much less distracted, when I come charging into the office clad in nothing more than tighty whities and brandishing one green and one orange squirt gun in each hand, with my "back-up" secretly tucked down the back of my waistband, by the way, that one is purple.... Now just so none of you are totally alarmed by the thought of this, I haven't exactly done it yet, although the consideration does exist - and I promise to send pictures... I'm just saying that I don't think it would quite be enough for them to consider sending me home for psychological reasons - and even if it were - that's right, you're catching on... There's a positive side to everything.


















By the way, this is where I work: BURKA AIR... Our motto is "Your guess is as good as ours!!" And this is the "Number Puller" for those waiting in line... Yes, that's an actual grenade.

Toodles,

MickMurphy