Suicide Bomber discovered... in Hollywood?!

I thought everyone might get a kick out of this. Think it's rather amusing, myself. Enjoy! Michael

Wear the Fox Hat...

When I told people I was going to Mazar e Sharif, they offered the same advice this guy's friends told him... But I don't own a Fox Hat...

Considering the weather here lately, I could use one though. I hope to follow up with some pictures, but let me just say:

It hasn't been above freezing in three weeks.

It has been in the twenties for most of three weeks.

It has snowed about 12 times in three weeks.

I have been on about ten convoys in the last three weeks - driving around here is bad enough w/o adding snow, ice, covered potholes, ditches and ruts, and the first day after the snow we rolled out into an undeveloped area with no roads and couldn't determine our normal path - it all looked exactly the same... six inches of snow covered everything. Luckily we continued in somewhat consistent direction (East...) until we found some familiar looking rocks and dirt piles...

The maintenance guys here switch between our two generators every three hours cuz the generators don't have a heating element in the oil sump. Leaving a generator off for too long allows the oil to get too cold and they can't get it running again. Not really that big of an issue, unless you're on the treadmill.... HA HA HA... yes, it happened to me. It's so much better when it's somebody else!!!

The other drawback to this minor issue is that when they swap generators there is a minor interruption in the electricity throughout the camp. Computer, lights, TVs, DVD players, all flicker and come right back on, so it's really just a slight inconvenience. What is NOT a minor inconvenience is the fact that the heaters in our room go off, but they don't come right back on. So when I go to bed at 10pm and the heater is working nicely keeping my room at a barely survivable 60 deg, but then sometime between 11pm and 2am they cycle the generators... My heater stops working. Oh, it's on, it just needs to be recycled. Usually it takes some time for the room to get SOOOO cold that I actually wake up. Probably right around an hour and a half. Finally I wake up shivering and fumble with the control just long enough to punch a button or two and get the damn thing working again. I pass back out, as my heater slowly brings the temperature back to a realm where you can no longer see your breath. Just about that time I have fallen back to sleep and the maintenance jerks cycle the generators again!!!

I now sleep in a sleeping bag, under the covers. It keeps me relatively warm, just so long as no portion of my body is outside the covers... Getting out of bed in the morning is not something I am terribly fond of naturally (yes, I admit it, I'm a bit of a night owl...), so you can only imagine when the temperature in my "cocoon" is about 98.6 (approximately...) and the temperature of my hootch is about 40 degrees F. Mornings have become the baine of my existence...

Well, I hope you've all had a great chuckle at my expense. I'm gonna go see how long I can stay on the treadmill before the next blackout... OUCH!!

Much love and don't forget your fox hat...

Michael

Updates

On a serious note - if you haven't read my earlier post from today, please go read that one first - before you read this one. You'll understand why when you do...

I am enclosing the Task Force Phoenix website. I don't know how many of you will be interested in searching around this site, but if you do, you will find some articles, photos, biographies and so forth. My unit here falls under ARSIC-N, but may also be referred to as the 209th. There are some photos, but none of me... [www.taskforcephoenix.com]

Going back a few months I included a rather long but touching story about one of my Navy co-workers here that coordinated a very difficult heart surgery for the young son of one of the Local Nationals working on our base. Attached is a follow on email he sent:

Hello everyone,

As I enter the final quarter of my year long deployment, the intense feeling of gratitude I feel for all the help I received in the effort to save the two year old son of our Afghan carpenter, has not diminished one bit. I am thrilled to tell you all that Hibrahim, now more than five months out of his operation, is still improving every day. He now has full use of his right arm, once limp and numb because of lack of circulation, is gaining weight fast, and recently took his first steps.

Word about the help we were able to find for Hibrahim has spread through the local Afghan community. Many Afghans that I meet these days end up telling me all about a friend or family member who needs medical attention. As a result, I have identified two more children who can be helped by the International Children’s Heart Foundation.

The first is a two year old girl named Rashida. Rashida is actually Hibrahim’s cousin. The second is a boy somewhere between twelve and fourteen, and his name is Nassir. Nassir’s father is somewhat of a local celebrity; a Colonel in the Afghan Army who fought against the Soviets, and later against the Taliban with the Northern Alliance. (There is a small error on the web page that identifies both kids as boys, but I think they will correct that soon.) These are two kids who have a good chance with the surgical expertise available through the ICHF. All we need are the funds. Attached are a few photos of each. Hopefully, within a few months, I’ll be sending out ‘after’ photos.

We estimate $10,000 will be enough to cover the medical expenses to save these two kids. The link below is the website for the International Children’s Heart Foundation. On the front page you will find a link with my name and photo. Clicking the link near my photo will take you to a page with photos of each child. Click “make a donation” to if you wish to contribute. As before, it will help the foundation if you are sure to specify where you want your donation to go. To do this, make a note in the comments section.

Remember, forwarding the email to anyone who might wish to donate is just as helpful as making a donation yourself. Thank you to everyone for your amazing effort last time with Hibrahim, and thank you in advance for stepping up again this time

http://www.babyheart.org/

Jobe Galli

P.S. To all the military folks – The International Children’s Heart Foundation is one of the charities associated with the Combined Federal Campaign (CFC).

I recently made a donation for these kids in the memory of a very close friend, Andrew Kure, who passed away last year. I know he would appreciate the gesture.

My donation pushed the total over $5K and we need to raise $10K to help these kids. Whether you can afford $5 or $500, every dollar helps. We appreciate your help. Thanks, in advance, for your support.

With love,

Michael

Did you see it?!?!?!

Did you see Huckabee's "victory speech?" Did you happen to notice who was standing directly behind Huckabee? That's RIGHT - none other than the Kung Fu legend himself, Chuck Norris! In case you weren't aware, here are some well known facts about Chuck Norris:

01 Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Here are a few more facts about Chuck Norris:

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Apache, this has nothing to do w/ ancestry - He just ate a friggin' Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times

China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.

Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds

Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks ass until he’s full.

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once threatened to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.

Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.

Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

If you've gotten this far, then you'll realize that if Huckabee doesn't win the Presidency, Chuck Norris will round house kick us all in the face... God help us.